Competition Round 3 Results

 Everyone did great! I decided no disqualifications, since almost everyone scored the same. Congratulations, everyone!

Contestant 2 ~

    Tall, lofty buildings of marble and iron cluttered up the remains of the once beautiful, if not perfect, town of the happy people. Silvery mist pooled through open wounds in the slate flooring and the cold tang of remorse seemed to soar around the ghosts of the life known before. Flaws in the town only seen now in the remains were visible, emanating with the ancient songs that implied freedom and safety, when all was just a gaffe and a game. This town was a game, a play at some sort of doppelganger city or a second dimension where everything was exactly precise and pristine, as though it were the city of gods that it once was said to be.
    Buildings and buildings, structures and complexes, all scrupulously clean, all too perfect for someplace so benumbed. Withered leaves and old, broken possessions seemed like the only items that suggested this place was normal…was inhabited. The town had fled with the wind, the lives of the people holding the hands of the souls of the immortal, and now the carcasses lingered, perpetually living in their death.

Creativity ~ 7 It's a town, so not very new, but still very nice!

Vocabulary ~ 6 Maybe a little more?

Sentence Variety ~ 6 Very nice, but try to start more with other ways, than just describing something that is there.

Character Development ~ 10!

Action ~ 7 It kept me interested!

Final Comments ~ Wow! The writing style in this is really nice, I suggest you make it more exciting, though. And also, though I love the vague feeling, you should describe more of what sat in what direction, and etc. I couldn't really imagine how the place looked in my head. You received a 36!


Contestant 3 ~

    Welcome to cyberspace, a place like no other! You can explore this wonderful place from your very own swivel chair. Wondrous things, like nothing you’ve ever seen before, are just a click away! To your left, you will see we have a huge selection of exciting gaming websites to choose from, designed specifically for the newest generations! Between Poptropica, Clubpenguin, and Fantage, the young ones will never be bored!
    Teens, if you head to your right, you will find numerous social-networking sites that will help you connect with friends like never before! With Facebook, you can track the exciting little details of your friends’ lives, such as when they take a shower or run out of pasta. Bored? YouTube is just the place for you! Find new music, catch up on TV shows, and watch funny videos made by teens just like you. Even if the video-watching isn’t your thing, the comments are just as entertaining! Want to meet new people? Right this way to our millions of chatrooms, where you can interact with people from places like Russia and South Dakota. We have many blogging services too, for those of you who wish to talk about your uneventful life. Not sure what you’re into? Not a problem. Plenty of people get by looking at memes and trolling other websites!
    If you’re looking for any information at all, do not hesitate to use one of our search engines! No worries, they run 24/7 and are not on schedules like the trains in your pathetically real world are.
    Please do note that while the internet is far more advanced than your disgustingly boring Milky Way, it still has a few problems. Our search engines must be repaired sometimes, and may be shut down for a few hours. In addition, bugs, worms, Trojans, and viruses run free in this world, so it is recommended that you buy a security system to protect you. Even then, there is no guarantee of your well-being.
    Never mind that though! This is the internet, where browsers run on cookies and you are encouraged to write on walls! Nothing that is out up here will ever go away, everything in this world is immortal. You can always find what you are looking for, it will be here waiting for you.
    So welcome to the wonderful world of the internet, more properly known as cyberspace! We hope you enjoy your stay!
Creativity ~ 9 That was definitely creative! :)

Vocabulary ~ 5 Maybe extend a little more?

Sentence Variety ~ 6 Nice! I like the whole advertisement type of sentence structure.

Character Development ~ 10!

Action ~ 8 It was definitely interesting!

Final Comments ~ It was pretty cool! I like this idea, I never would have thought of something like this for this round. It held me captivated, and you got a 38!

    My bedroom is so much more than a tiny, closed-in space where I sleep. It’s where I do everything. The cream colored walls of the room are adorned with anything that has value to me. One of the walls had two sliding doors with mirrors that open to a closet filled with clothes, clean ones hung up and dirty ones carelessly scattered on the floor. The wall opposite the door has an enormous window. I keep the blinds down, because I’m not particularly fond of my neighbors, and get a satisfied feeling from shutting them out of my life like that. Pushed against the corner where the walls opposite to the window and closet meet is small bookshelf. It is pure white with three layers and a ton of books. I have a very effective way of organizing my books into the shelves. It’s called, “cram-everything-where-it-fits.” The wall across the window has a large ‘hole’ in it that leads to an add-on where there is a sink and a bunch of cabinets. Next to the sink is a door that belongs to a jack-and-jill bathroom. This is a bathroom that has rooms attached on both sides. My favorite part of my room, however, is the tall, sturdy bunk bed that stands on the carpeted floor at the center of the room. The bottom bunk is a normal bed, with covers thrown, but the top bunk is where I love to be. I love sitting up there, close enough to touch the ceiling and it’s non-working fan. I love the comforting smell of the blankets, laundry detergent mixed with sweat and tears. Sweat from the days I come home from school, tired, and snuggle in with my blanket and homework, working hard as 3OH!3 and All Time Low blare out of my phone. Tears from the nights I let go of the mask I wear to protect myself from the world, and cry myself to sleep. Over time, I’ve grown to trust the room that witnesses my every move, watching over me to keep me safe. And over time, I’ve come to love it as well.

Creativity ~ 6 A room isn't very creative, just saying. ;)

Vocabulary ~ 5 A little more?

Sentence Variety ~ 5 It's mostly, telling, not showing.

Character Development ~ 10!

Action ~ 7 Pretty boring, to be honest.

Final Comments ~ It was okay. Not your best work. Again, try to show more, don't tell. It makes everything seem more professional. ;) You scored a 33!

Contestant 5 ~

It was cold.  Sunshine spiraled down from the heavens, but it was dim, held no warmth.  I shivered, noting the corkscrew of breath as I exhaled.  It spread thinly, until it disappeared amongst the leaves.
    Winter had gripped the forest in its icy claw, frost glazing everything like a sheen of sweat. Everything glistened and gleamed, tiny diamonds imbedded in the white-blue polish that covered all.
    My arms curled around my body, goose-bumped skin rubbing against cloth.  I leaned back onto a tree, it's rough bark clawing at my shirt as I slid down.  My hair tangled against the trunk, pulling at my scalp with every inch I dropped.
    I thumped to the ground, the cold and wet seeping into my jeans.  My feet pushed against piles of fallen leaves, carving ruts in the dirt and slush.   
    The plants that surrounded me seemed like ice sculptures; unmoving, unknowing.  I could almost imagine hitting a bush with a stone, and it shattering into a million frozen pieces.  One hand tumbled to the ground, sifting through damp rotting leaves, searching for a piece of rock to test my theory.  But dirt was all that gripped my fingers.
    But for the scraping of my shoes, all was silent.  The life of the forest seemed to have frozen with the ice that had come. There were no chirps of birds, no animal rustling, no buzz of bugs.  There was no movement, no life.
    I was alone.

Creativity ~ 7 Nice. A forest.

Vocabulary ~ 6 Nice.

Sentence Variety ~ 7 Pretty good!

Character Development ~ 10!

Action ~ 8 Cool

Final Comments ~ It was nice! Interesting. :) It had that feeling of anticipation in it. Good job! You got a 38!

Contestant 6 ~

    It was not just any building- it was The Queen- just standing there as if the captain of all ships across the nation. It didn’t have bricks- it had stone. Sleek, gray, stone that was overlapped and coated with pure gold on the outside- not a single scratch. The Queen was in England, on the top of a grassy hill and overlooking the entire London. The Queen had doors of silver- platinum sterling silver with laces of ribbon incrusted in the handles, deeply carved with a lion on the side. The doors opened as smooth as glass- there wasn’t marble floors, there were diamond floors. Sparkling with the grand chandeliers that overlapped the entire ceiling- with paintings of all sizes- framed with dark brown oak wood. Stairs were carpeted with the finest, royal red as they draped up in a semicircle to meet at the top where there was a smooth, metal balcony looking over the entire entrance room… there were hallways that were like rooms- decorated with the finest care and painted with deadly accuracy. There was a draft that wavered in the wind that breezed slowly across the entire building- a mixture of cinnamon and vanilla sticks intertwined together with a sprinkle of lavender… The Queen had waterfalls all around it, sprinkling with delight and smiling with delight as the garden of apple trees, stone sidewalks, and bushes snipped into different shapes surrounded them. Windows made of diamond and edged off with metal slid out from underneath the dome at the top- topped off with a fluttering eagle. The Queen was more than a building. She was… the Queen. 

Creativity ~ 7. WHOA A BUILDING! Just kidding...it's good!

Vocabulary ~ 7 Nice!

Sentence Variety ~ 7 I like the way you started each sentence.

Character Development ~ 10!

Action ~ 7 Kept me interested!

Final Comments ~ I liked it! The way you wrote made it seem almost magical, in a sense. Keep it up! 38!

Contestants 3, 5, and 6 all tied for first place with a 38. Good job! That was a first.

And now, for next round, due Friday as usual....

Prompt: Include something with the dialogue: "Just try. Try to remember those old feelings. Don't kill me."

You can change it here and there to help it fit better,but make sure it has the same meaning to it! Good luck everyone!